Dear Tissues with Balsam
You have been a comfort for me today. I have used an uncountable number. In fact last time I sneezed I think I might have lost my brain, it shot out so fast, I couldn't stop it. You have not eased my sniffing, blowing and sneezing, but what you have done is stop my nose from becoming sore and chafed because you are so soft and lovely against my skin. I hope I have enough of you to last until this cold ends, and also the odd tear that might slip out if Nick Clegg gives the LibDem votes to the Tories. But heck much as I hate The Tories, even I can't blame them for this head cold.
Keep soothing my nose lovely Tissues